...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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