I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
where are you?
Hypothermia
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
