My nipple is on Facebook.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
