Joe is yelling at the trees again.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
