Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize