i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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