You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize