i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
