Who wears a wallet chain?!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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