I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
