Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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