My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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