Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
