I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
