sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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