she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
