Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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