Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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