i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
