Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
