There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
