it hurts more in the daytime
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
