respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
