i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm experimenting with sincerity
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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