If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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