I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
