somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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