I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
