dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
