Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
