I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
