If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
