I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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