so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
