it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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