So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
