Just fell off a train. Bad.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
