I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
