I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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