she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
