If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
