She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
