Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
