I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He did a backflip because drugs
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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