told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize