I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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