I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
