Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
