i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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