he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
