I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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