Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
