Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
