:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
A+ Viking dick
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
