I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
