Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She needs sedatives and a leash
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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