Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
