if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize